You ready for this?

**Disclaimer: I was supposed to write this last night, but I fell asleep at like 8:45, so…I’m old**

This post is gonna be deep, compared to my other entries, where I try to keep things light and entertaining. There is a topic that has been weighing on me for a few weeks now, and I spend a lot of time thinking about it so I figured I would write about it to get it off my chest, and also to hopefully reach some of you that might be feeling the same way.

Yesterday, I posted this on my Instagram and my personal Facebook page:

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I don’t think I can find a better quote that describes how I’ve been feeling lately. So, lets review.

I’m 32 years old. I’m married to a wonderful man who would do anything for me and spoils me beyond belief (I truly don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m grateful that he came into my life). We are homeowners. We work hard for what we have. (Matt works harder, lets be honest) We spend most of our time at home, or doing low key things with each other, or by ourselves. We don’t have kids (yet) but I’ve wanted to be a mom my entire life, and nothing would make me happier than to be able to raise children with Matt.

Now. Lets rewind abouttttt…lets say, 5-6 years. I was in my 20’s, I had only been in one serious relationship that didn’t end well, ((last I heard he told somebody  “the world would be a better place without her.”)) Wow. Thanks for that. I had more friends than I could ask for, I always had something going on, I never had to worry about being lonely or bored on a Friday or Saturday night. I was going out 6/7 nights a week. Almost every picture I have from that time in my life, I’m either at a bar, drinking with friends, or at some kind of themed party.

 

Sounds fun, right? Eh. I was irresponsible, made a lot of DUMB decisions, and put my trust, time and energy into friendships and relationships that 100% did not deserve it. I learned quickly this lesson: I forgive WAY to damn easily, I apologize for things that I should NOT be apologizing for, and I was allowing people to walk all over me, pretty much every day of my life. Weird, because from the outside, everybody was my best friend, and I was always happy.

You’re probably wondering by now where this post is leading to, eh? Well. I’ve been taking a lot of time lately to reflect on the last almost 3 years of married life, and the several years before that. I’ve been thinking about all the friendships that I’ve lost, some that were 15+ years long, for reasons that I truly couldn’t even give you. I’ve spent WAY too much time trying to figure out where I went wrong. What was it that I did to make my friendships start falling apart? And what led me to get to this point in my life, where I spend my Saturday nights now reading in bed, or watching Netflix with Matt? Then I realized something….I don’t care, and I’m happy with how my life is.

I’ve made mistakes. I’ve judged. Talked shit. Been mean. Lied to people. Hurt people. And intentionally went out of my way to cause drama.

You know what else I did? I gave more of myself to these friendships, these people, their families, etc, than I did myself. I went out of my way to do little things that might just possibly make their day brighter. I always checked in just to say ‘hi’. I ALWAYS included people, always invited everybody to join me in anything I did. I said yes to any request they had, I shared things with some of these people that not even my family knows about.

All of that stuff went unnoticed, unrecognized and forgotten as soon as we hit a bump in the road, because then I’m just this bitch who said this, or the horrible friend who screwed me over, or the girl who lies to everybody.

Where have all my efforts to keep these friendships going gotten me? Nowhere. I’ve not spoken to these people for a year, 6 months, weeks, who knows…because it seems that these ‘lifelong friends’ have been dropping like flies. All because I was moving on with my life, or I made a small mistake (and believe me, I threw myself down begging for forgiveness, apologized in every way possible and offered SO many chances to just talk).

Taking time out of my day to try and fix these problems was a MISTAKE, let me just tell you. I was apologizing for something and I seriously don’t even know what it was half the time.

Moral of the story. If people don’t want you in their life they will be sure to let you know.

DO NOT waste your time going after them, or begging for forgiveness, and definitely don’t blame yourself, and let yourself get so down about it that you start to believe all the shit that is being said about you.

Do this though. Make your peace with them. Say what you need to say. Then MOVE ON.

Let them be the ones that feel bad or sad when there is no longer a chance to make up or apologize or talk. Let them be the ones who miss you. Let them be the ones who regret how they dealt with things.  ((Believe me, I’ve been in this position, and when that friend passed away unexpectedly, I was DEVASTATED beyond words, because we never truly patched up our friendship.))

Life is too damn short to worry about why people don’t like you, or to sit and try to figure out just exactly what it was that YOU did, or why people don’t seem to treat you the same anymore…what’s the point?

Find the people that will give you their time, their respect, and their love and hold on to them because those ones are the ones who will be there for good. And TRUST ME, those are the ones that you want around when you finally make the decision to grow up and start making real life choices.

 

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Not a baby anymore…

You know that feeling you get when you send your kid off to school and they don’t want to hug or kiss you goodbye? And it kind of just pulls at your heart strings a little bit?

Yeah, me either, because we don’t have kids. BUT! I can imagine that it’s not a great feeling, and that when it happens, all you want to do is wallow is self pity, drink a bottle or two of wine, and cry for hours because your baby isn’t so much a baby anymore..right? I mean, that’s what I would do.

The reason I’m bringing this up, is because I feel like I’m experiencing something similar to this tonight, with my dog. Yes, my dog.

For those of you that know her, you probably know that she’s basically attached to me 24/7. She is literally my shadow, and I almost always freak out if she is not in the same room as me (mostly because I do NOT trust her, and Lord knows what she does when I’m not around to watch her every move.) Welllll….the past few days, little miss Piper has taken to doing her own thang, and doesn’t really want to be around me. Rude.

While I’m working in my office, she typically lays right under my desk, and only moves when something makes a loud sound, or the doorbell rings, or she sees a fly and just HAS to get it. But, today..today should be marked down as monumental, because she didn’t come in my office once, and I was home almost all day. NOT ONCE! :o(

I found her sleeping on the bed in the spare room (aka where all my clothes go once they are clean because I HATE hanging them up) and she wanted nothing to do with getting up, or coming to hang out with me. THEN! The time comes to go to bed, and literally its her favorite part of the day, and what does she do? I walk into our room, and she goes across the hall into what is apparently now HER ROOM. Wait, whattttt? This is not happening.

So, here I sit, all by my lonesome, while my husband watches tv downstairs, and my dog puts herself to sleep on her own, in her own bed. She’s probably covered herself up too, which just makes this even more heartbreaking.

Seems like just yesterday I was driving her home from Ohio, ears flopping in the wind….

They grow up so fast, don’t they?

Feelin’ Fancy!

Alright folks! I promised you a little review of this amazing lip stuff that’s been pretty much been sweeping social media by storm, so here it is!

As mentioned previously on my Facebook, I DO NOT wear lipstick..I just don’t. There’s no real reason behind it, but mainly I just don’t like it. I hate the sticky feeling, I hate the constant worry of the color being all over my teeth, I hate that it takes like 47 different products just to get a good color, and the perfect shine…it’s all just too much.

I discovered Burts Bees tinted chapstick, and fell in love. I rocked that shiz like it was nobodies business. BUT! I had to constantly reapply it, as you do with all chapsticks, and it was getting on my wine glass, my drink straw, my hanky, etc. NOT OK!

Fast forward to a random afternoon, lets just say it was a Tuesday, and I was looking on Instagram, and decided it was time I reach out to this girl named Hannah, who was constantly posting pics of her seemingly FLAWLESS face! I told her I had this chapstick that was like my BFF and asked she had a similar ((and by similar, I meant exact)) color in this infamous Lipsense that I’d been hearing about! She picked out Caramel Apple, and explained to me how it works, and I was SOLD! I decided to give this stuff a shot!

A couple days later, I received the most adorable little package in the mail, and I was so excited!

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I planned a little night out and followed all the directions for applying the color, and that was IT! I didn’t have to bring a huge bag of supplies for upkeep, I didn’t have to keep checking to see if all that was left was the ‘liner look’ and…wait for it. NOTHING was on my wine glass! SCORE!

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The color was perfect. The gloss was amazing. I AM IN LOVE. ❤ ❤ ❤

If you’ve ever thought about getting this stuff, stop thinking about it, and DO IT! It’s so VERY worth it, and it’s FUN! There are so many colors, and finishes for the gloss, and Hannah has been amazing to talk with and learn from!

She has a Facebook page where she shares information about all the products, so be sure to check it out, and send her a message! She’s the sweetest!

http://www.facebook.com/groups/flawlessfacebyhannahb <– Check out her group here!

I’m so glad I tried it, and now it goes everywhere with me!

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