I’m not talking about Debbie from accounting….I’m talking about Debbie Downer, or Negative Nancy, or Sour Sally. Don’t be any of those, or if you’re gonna be, make sure you are far, far away from me.
This post is 98% for all my infertility warriors or soon to be mamas out there, and 27.4% for the people I keep unfriending and unfollowing on social media. I’ve been noticing a trend lately, and I felt compelled to write about it, mostly because somebody told me once it’s good to get your thoughts out of your head, and onto paper or in an online blog because storing it in your noggin will just make you go crazy. (I added the online blog post part…just go with it)
Moving on! It’s no secret now that I am pregnant, with twins. 17 weeks to be exact. That’s pretty awesome, right? I must be glowing, and just floating around on Cloud 9 ALL THE TIME because it’s everything I ever wanted, right? Girlllll…no. Don’t get me wrong, I’m like beyond happy that I have two little humans growing inside my belly, BUT, this pregnancy does not come without its challenges, its fears (oh. my. god. the FEARS), and it’s moments of complete meltdowns. That being said. I have been soaking it all in. Taking in every moment of toddler type meltdowns, because I am tired or hungry. (It is a STRUGGLE) Laughing through all the challenges (seriously, the stairs in my house will be the death of me), and most importantly, finding the humor in all the fear.
Infertility sucks. We’ve all come to realize that, pretty quickly too, I might add. It turns you into this worry wart, who does nothing but look at the bad side of things, and it makes it almosssssst impossible to find the good in ANY situation. You are so used to let down, after let down, or negative test or setback, that when something good happens, you’re just going to keep on finding those bad things because it’s what you’re used to. (I’m hoping you’re nodding your head right now, because I’m in the ballpark of how you feel)
Let me just tell you the biggest lesson that I’ve learned while going through the last 4 years of trying to build a family. There WILL be setbacks. There WILL be a LOT of hard days and let downs. You WILL get angry at your Doctors, the nurses, your test results, your lack of test results, the scheduling lady, the people in the waiting room, the people who are getting pregnant, Mark Zuckerberg (how DARE he allow all these women to post pregnant announcements), and literally every other person who comes in your path or even thinks about asking you if you have kids or why you aren’t pregnant yet. It’s gonna happen. I PROMISE you.
But! Here’s the cool thing: you can spend that time, being so pissed off at the fact that your cycle was pushed another month (because God forbid the Doctors want your body to heal), or SO angry at the staff in the office for making a mistake that you decide to blast it all over social media, or angry with the fact that Sally is pregnant and you aren’t. But, if you think about it, like REALLY think about it. What is that going to do? It doesn’t make time go faster, it doesn’t make appointments just magically appear, and it most definitely won’t stop people from getting pregnant. So..instead, try and take every single little let down, and find the good in it.
I had cycle after cycle canceled for what felt like a million different reasons, and every single time, I had my cry, and then I thought of the good behind it. Exhibit A: “Our transfer was pushed back another month, so it won’t be til November now, that stinks but that means that I won’t be like SUPER pregnant in the dead of Summer. YES!” Exhibit B: “Janet at the office doesn’t know how to schedule patients, its literally her ONLY job and she messed it up. So I drove all the way out here just to be turned away. BUT! That means I have a little free time now before I have to be at work, so I’m going to TARGET!”
You guys. I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer, and I STILL found the good. So I truly understand.
See what I’m saying here. Instead of focusing SO HARD on the shitty things that happen during your struggles, why not try and find the good in them. And if you just can’t find anything good about any of your situations, tell yourself this: Your negative vibes and energy are an entire reflection of who you are as a person, and will continue to be until you change something. If you want good things to happen, you’ve GOT to think of all the good.
If you are one of the fortunate ones to have a successful round of IVF (or any other fertility treatment) and are now pregnant…let THAT be your good. You are PREGNANT dude. This is what you wanted, this is what you went through hell for. So, now that you’re here, why are you complaining non stop? Do you want your baby or babies to come out and have an instant grumpy look on their face because all they heard for nine months was complaining parents? Nobody wants that.
Now. Speaking to the 27.4% of you who find it necessary to post like super negative or dramatic stuff on social media. Would you just quit? Nobody wants to hear about your crappy ex husband, or the drama that went down with you and your brother in law at Jack and Mary’s wedding, and they especially don’t want to see pics of your post fight battle wounds. C’mon man. However, if you find yourself scrolling and come across posts like this, do me (and yourself more importantly) a HUGE favor, and go to their profile, then click unfriend. It’s refreshing, and will make your news feed that much brighter and the world needs brightness! You don’t need to post a status warning people that you are gonna delete them (thats just asking for attention, so stop it). Just let those people go.
In conclusion, (I learned that closing technique in middle school, and I’m proud of it) I would just like to say that you obviously don’t have to listen to any of the wonderful advice I’ve dropped in this post. But I mean, that just shows that you want to keep living that negative life, and you’ll most likely be the one being unfriended or ignored, so don’t get mad if that happens. FIND THE GOOD. Relish every moment of your pregnancy, your successes, and yes, even your struggles. Everything you are going through now is just preparing you for what’s to come. I’m speaking from experience people, so I’m obviously super smart in this department. Just try it, please. You’ll be pleased with how things start looking up.